Highlight of the Day - FINALLY getting a new phone - iPhone5, woo! No thanks to Carphone Warehouse or Three - all thanks to me being intelligent, determined and (eventually) very un-Britishly forceful.  I might give you the full shabang in another post one day, but I don't want to think about it for now, I'm happily playing with my new Appley toy.  Also rather enjoy this Youtube video of idiots at the Coachella Festival in the US pretending they know bands that don't exist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_IzYUJANfk

Lowlight of the day - being stuck in Sainsbury's whilst a man announced about (no exaggeration) 20 times that the fire alarm was about to be tested.  It was tested, he then announced 20 times that the fire alarm test was over.

I felt pretty old today.  I went to a club for the first time in quite a while and I enjoyed myself, but whereas a couple of years ago I would've partied until 5 and spent all night drinking, I stopped after 3 drinks (because I didn't want a hangover, didn't want to queue at the bar and didn't want to spend £4.50 on a dwarfed can of Heineken...so sensible) and was pooped by 1.  We went to see Mark Ronson DJ at XOYO in Shoreditch by Old Street Station.  We had to call the club first to ask them how to pronounce it because we were a bit embarrassed we might say it wrong in front of some cool kids in the queue or something! I can confirm it's just X O Y O in letters - nothing too complicated there then!

We saw Mark Ronson announce some other acts, but we're not entirely sure we even heard him DJ, because it was so smokey and we just had to leave at one before our legs dropped off.  We also had to move to a less crowded area several times, because we didn't like trying to dance whilst feeling like you were in constant junction of people and were elbowing people left, right and centre.  The mix of music was really fun though - some dance and some classic disco, and upstairs they had RnB (I had a good gay sing to Jumpin' Jumpin' by Destiny's Child, to which I still know every word - they played a quicker version and I still put myself on fast forward and sang all the way through - not totally over the hill yet!).  The strangest part of the night was when a girl came up to me (from quite far away as well, she'd obviously picked me out of the crowd) and asked if I had any "M Dog".  I had no idea what she was on about, I said "What?" then she asked again.  I said "No" (crazy girl) and then she said "How about coke?" I laughed out loud and said "NO." Really, I would've thought the fact that I hadn't heard of the first drug and reacted in such a shocked way to coke would prove that I wasn't drug dealer (although really I'd hoped I don't look like one anyway!!), but the persistent little thing still carried on "Anything?"  How confident was she that I was a drug dealer??

Looked up M Dog online today and urban dictionary tells me it's short for MDMA.  It's the first time I've looked something up on urban dictionary and it hasn't meant "shit" so I'm very pleased.

On the way home, however, we had a new lease of life and decided, spur of the moment to go to Duck and Waffle!! It's number 30 on my list of things to do, so that's a big tick for me! It's open 24-hours and it was absolutely wonderful.  It's the restaurant at the top of the Heron Tower near Liverpool Street.  If you don't know which one it is, see the picture above - it's that one with what looks like a mahusive radio aerial next to the Gherkin.  You get an absolutely incredible view over London, the staff are lovely and, at that time of night, it's very quiet up there, so you have an almost private view in a serene setting.  The signature dish is waffle with duck meat and a duck's egg, but we didn't get it, because it was a bit pricey and we weren't starving.  Instead, we got Columbian Eggs, which were only £9! It was basically posh scrambled eggs on toast with lots of avacado.  It was really delicious.  We sat there for about 2 hours chatting away (and nursing the oncoming hangover that was already setting in).  I will definitely try to go again - £10 including tip for

Highlight of the Day - Siro A! Slightly (that word is there for effect really, it was more than slightly) surreal, a tad crazy, but very entertaining, the Japanese version of the Blue Man Group is currently in London.  Siro A (meaning white A, but I can speak Japanese and really you'll probably pronounce it better if you think of it as SHiro A) were on in Leicester Square Theatre.  I had a lot of fun, laughed a lot, and learnt that I fancy Japanese guys to such an extent, that even their faces being painted white doesn't detract from the attraction.

Second highlight was veggie cafe, Vitao Organic on Wardour Street.  I always look at it there, but have never been in, because it looks a bit too hippy and I like MEAT damnit.  Risked it today, and it was really, really tasty.  I had a lovely passion fruit and raspberry mocktail thing and a huge plate of salad and bean curries from a buffet.  It was really reasonable and very tasty and the hippiness/vegetarianness, wasn't intimidating at all.

Lowlight of the Day - I don't want to go into this in too much detail, because if I let myself begin a rant, it could go on for pages and you might start to think I'm a raving loony, but let's just say that my phone's broken and that all the technical expertise, intelligence and customer service (or lack thereof) of Samsung, EE, T Mobile and Carphone Warehouse has left me with a phone that's still broken, a contract that's been cancelled (I cut off my nose to spite my face, by just cancelling with T Mobile because I was so angry with their incompetence and rudeness) and no new contract yet as the girl in Carphone Warehouse made a ridiculous mistake in my address when doing my credit check which has led me to be rejected and has caused an awful lot of confusion on their part and stress on my part.  All phone companies are muddled, stupid arsehole-y type companies and I hate them all.  End of.  People met along the way (the way to being even worse off that when I started, because I am now without phone and contract and possibly with a damaged credit rating).
Nice-but-dim Carphone Warehouse girl who can't read the letter B correctly.
Impossible-to-communicate with Samsung man who told me, whilst in his Samsung uniform in the Samsung shop that I should "contact Samsung about it."
Miss I'm-not-actually-listening-to-what-you're-saying-I'm-just-going-to-say "Maybe if you upgraded to EE"-all-the-time
And then a couple of classic know-it-all phone shop wankers who don't ask you what you want, but tell you what you want.  One particularly annoying one talked to me as if I was insane when I asked if they had a spare phone in the shop I could just put my simcard in for 2 minutes to check my texts with, in spite of the fact that the other EE shop down the road did it straight away.  Another classic was the one who told me what I needed.  I disagreed completely, and then he replied with "That's what I'm saying."  That wasn't what you were saying.  You were saying the opposite.

Rant over.  Sorry.

Highlight of the Day - The Light Show at the Southbank Centre - it was phenomenal.  It's about 15 pieces of art which all use light in some way.  The fact that there were only 15 pieces, but that me and my friends spent well over 2 hours there, shows just how fascinating they were: optical illusions, interactive adventures and mesmerising beauties.  Go, go, go!

Embarrassing Moment of the Day - Randomly falling into a really heavy sleep on the tube - possibly a tiny bit of dribble - horrendous!

This day was a special day.  We organised a birthday treat for a friend, by making her lots of clues on gold cards and hiding around London with them, with each clue guiding her to the next.  We planned meticulously, but this didn't stop the odd error creeping in, like my friend bumping into an old colleague when she was supposed to be rushing ahead of me and the birthday girl to be ready with the next clue at Warren Street Station.  My friend worked out the clue, we went to Warren Street, I thought we had made perfect timing, and then I felt my phone vibrate as soon as we were coming to the top of the escalators.  "STALL."  "I'm behind you".  As she had been chatting away, she had wound up on the same tube as us and we had taken her over! So we were heading to a clueless spot.  Stalling was not easy and it was all quite hilarious.  The clue was about newspapers and it was actually as simple as going to the Evening Standard stand right outside the front of the station, but I made it out it was more difficult, which sent her on a wild goose chase for a couple of minutes.  There was another part where I was going to go the toilet after during our lunch and not come back, instead going with the next clue to Goodge Street, waiting for the birthday girl to find me.  We were in the Attendant Cafe (see below) and you have to go outside to the toilet to the pub next door.  Of course, she needed the toilet at the same time, so we had to go to the pub togehter and I just had to walk into the gents', turn around and head straight back out.  I'd really needed to go too - so spent most of the rest of the day almost wetting myself.  Not sure what the landlady thought of my strolling into the loos and running out 5 seconds later!  Quick work!

Our lunch was in The Attendant Cafe, just near Mortimer Street and the BT Tower.  It's an old Victorian public toilet that has been cleaned up (they promise!) and is being used as a restuarant, so you can eat your lunch in a urinal, with a hand-dryer hovering dangerously close to your head.  It's quite the experience! It's tiny, so a bit difficult to get urinal-seats, but the food is lovely, the staff are very friendly (they even played a part in our clues) and it's just so unique, it's really worth a visit.  I had a sandwich on tiger bread (another addiction of mine) and a really tasty coffee.  I recommend it! My friends had goat's cheese tart and warm french toast - they all loved their meals too.  Slightly ironic that the toilets are outside!  My only disappointment is that there were no cheesy puns like BOGOF on coffees or something, or a fridge labelled the water closet...I'm a sucker for a good pun! It's a bit too cool for that I think though.  I'll be going again, I really enjoyed myself.

After more treasure hunt and the Light Show, we finished the day in Skylon Bar in the Royal Festival Hall Building.  Lovely cocktails (I had a blood orange martini), if slightly awkward table arrangements, as we couldn't fit 4 plates (for charcuterie, darrrling), 4 drinks and the platter around one table, so we were sort of sitting in a line along two tables, which were also of different heights.  It felt a bit like Christmas dinner!

Now then, now then, I've been an awful blogger and haven't blogged about my today's world for an entire week (nobody emailed to check I was still alive - thanks for that!)  I have spent the vast majority of the week at work (including until 4am (!!) on Tuesday.  I've also spent the week experimenting with double denim (decided I like my black denim skinny jeans with normal blue denim shirts, but not too sure about any other combo) and becoming addicted to app wordgame Ruzzle and convincing myself it's not a waste of time, because I can do it in French and German, so I am learning something.  Anyway, let's go into a bit more detail about Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  This post is about Friday.

Highlight of the day - the end of the week and the knowledge that I didn't have any work to do over the weekend - bliss.
Lowlight of the day - being caught in the kitchen at work (which is miniscule for an office of any size, let alone a building of 6 floors!) whilst getting my breakfast with the only girl at work I don't like.  She announced (quite literally into my ear, as there was no space for her to annouce anywhere else) that she was having her second breakfast of the day.  I didn't ask further.  She announced again.  I didn't ask.  She naturally didn't take the hint and continued to tell me about she'd had poached egg and avacado and homemade chilli jam - it was like Nigella had walked in.  I just can't cope with that sort of thing at 9.30.

After finishing work, I went to a restaurant on Cambridge Heath Road called Italina.  Not too cryptically, it's an Italian restaurant, for which I'd bought a Living Social vouhcer (I may or may not be addicted to Living Social).  The pizzas were huge and really tasty, the staff were friendly and the atmosphere was very warm and homely.  I'd go again.  I had several plans to get chores done on Friday before a busy weekend, but, I accidentally conked out 10 minutes after getting in.  Bless.

Highlight of the Day - the same as everyone's in London I imagine: SUN!

Lowlight of the Day - Learning that Cleo Higgins from Cleopatra Comin' Atcha (now on The Voice) is 30, reminding me that I am not that young anymore.

I've had a great day today.  Sun is amazing.  We really get a great atmosphere in London when it's sunny...because we appreciate it while it lasts!  I mooched down to a lovely little restaurant on Cambridge Heath Road (about a 10 minute walk from my flat), called This Bright Field.  Slightly odd name, I grant you, but the food was really delicious (I had roast beef with a Mama of a Yorkshire Pud like I've never seen before).  We ate outside (it wasn't really warm enough too, but why not?) and I think my yorkshire was almost big enough to catch the wind like a sail and go skirting of the down the road!  The staff were all really lovely too.  I'll go again.

I was with two friends, and we made the most of the sun, but walking down Colombia Road, then over Arnold Circus / the Boundary Estate and into Club Row.  There's some amazing street art on Club Row and I love the Boundary Estate because it used to be on my tours when I was a tour guide (the first council estate in Britian, because, believe it or not, the now super-expensive, sought-after Shoreditch, used to be the poorest area in the UK, with slums, such as the Old Nichol Slum, where the Boundary Estate now is (built 1901, as the slum was demolished so it's not that long ago), where people lived in houses without foundations, in basements without windows and with 15 to a room.  We went to an exhibition inside Mother London on Redchurch Street, called the Secret 7".  All in the name of charity, they've taken 7 songs and asked artists to design covers for them (hence 7" records).  They are selling them next weekend at £40 apiece, but you won't know which artist's you have until you've bought them.  It's all the name of an anti-knife charity.  Some are by famous artists, like Gilbert and George, others are by complete unknowns.  I'm officially stating, in advance, that my favourite is the one above.  If it turns out to be a Gilbert and George worth 1000s, I am an art genius.   What was wonderful about it was, that, if for instance I had been to an art gallery with two exhibitions: one of Gilbert and George and one of someone I'd never heard of, I would've probably spend very little time looking at the other exhibit, but, here, you looked and appreciated all the talent, regardless of how famous they were.  It's a wonderful idea and it was great to see 700 mini pieces of art.  The staff were friendly too, not like the arsey types you can often get around Redchurch Street.

And what better way to top it off than with an ICE CREAM (not that I haven't had ice cream at home almost every day since forever, but this one was OUTSIDE).  Stopped in Motown Desserts on the way home, not it's not a Diana Ross Pavlova cafe, it's a cool cake and ice cream shop on Bethnal Green Road.  The ice cream is homemade and after several tasters (just to be sure, they even had brown bread ice cream!), I went with cookies and cream.  Yummy sunny Mothery day.  Happy times! 

Highlight of the Day - Getting up early, without a hangover, and being super-productive.  I felt like I could've seen Heather Small interrogating me with a warbling "What have you done today to make you feel proud?" and answered very successfully even at 11am.  I went into Oxford Street, which is uncharacteristically bearable and sparse before 11 and got my refund in River Island (open open open this time) and then scurried around M+S, House of Fraser and John Lewis looking for the biggest plain white plate I could find.  It was for work (I had to drop it off at work before 2).  My work's a bit confidential, so I can't really divulge what it was for, but it had to be huge, flat, round and plain white.  I also couldn't tell any of the very confused sales assistants what it was for and I imagine they were talking about crazy plate boy all day.  John Lewis was the winner.  Pizza plate - 35cm diameter, in case you ever need a ginormous plate.  

Embarrassing Moment of the Day - Apart from forcing people to measure plates, it was my unexpected item in the bagging area at Sainsbury's.  I mean, pray tell self-checkout lady, how unexpected can a bag of carrots in Sainsbury's really be??

Highlight of the day - Victoria Wood documentary about tea on BBC iPlayer - really, really, really funny...really.  Loved her falling over, loved her highlights and I just love her general attitude to everything.  She's also very good with words.  She just chooses words so well.  Minestrone is a funny word (from yesterday), tomato soup wouldn't have been funny.  (My favourite funny word is woggle).  The documentary was interesting.  I loved that she went inside one of the green cabbies' tea huts, that only cab drivers can use (one at Embankment, one at Temple - there used to be almost a hundred around London, now there are less than 20).  The Embankment one used to be on my tour, so it was great to finally see what one looked like inside!

Lowlight of the day - thinking on the way home what my highlight of the day was going to be and realising that it was being able to get out of work in time early enough to put some laundry on (was about to run out of black socks, my favourite sock colour).  Luckily I found Victoria Wood when I got in.

We are actually on yesterday now.  I got out of work at 8.35.  That's the earliest I've been out all week.  I've had a shirt from River Island in my locker at work waiting to be taken back for a refund and I thought I finally had my chance.  I work on Charing Cross Road.  I nipped up Old Compton Street, whipped down Dean Street, slipped through Soho Square and BARGED my way down Oxford Street, taking no tourist prisoners.  I arrive triumphantly at River Island (at 8.50, website says it shuts at 9) for them to tell me it was already shut.  This lady doth protest, but they doth protested more.  "Close close close close" was what he said.  I think that was the only word he knew.  I am still with shirt.  After that, I went to M+S who actually shut at the time they say they are going shut and rather depressingly bought a meal for one.  I then popped into Boots to by a new toothpaste and toothpaste (quite a novelty for them to run out at the same time, such is the level of drama in my life).  I then spur-of-the-momentedly (still in post-River-Island-stress-disorder) bought some Rowntrees Pick n Mix.  It's a big bag of Tooty Fruities, Fruit Gums and Fruite Pastilles for £1!! Bargain and so yummy.  I then made a joke with the assistant (for once they didn't force me to the automatic lady) about the irony of buying toothpaste, a toothbrush and a huge bag of sweets.  I say "with", but I joked at him.  He didn't laugh.  In other news, they now have toothbrushes with vibrating bristles - they cost 6.50! I got one for 1.50.  I make them vibrate when I move them! LAZY!

I had a weird freak purchase in Boot's a few weeks ago - I bought a home tooth-bleaching kit.  I always worry that my teeth are a bit yellow-ish, that's why I buy things like Rowntree's Pick n Mix.  You're supposed to use it twice a day for a week.  I've been a bit sporadic.  I reckon I've used it about 8 times in a week and a half.  I haven't had time otherwise.  You have put these gum shield things in (like from rugby at school) and leave them there for 5 minutes each time.  I moulded them and they didn't mould very well (like from rugby at school) and so they hurt.  I then thought I'd multi task by wearing them in the shower once, which led to:
a) me dribbling bleach down myself
b) the heat making the plastic go funny again, mishapring them even more
c) me running late and leaving my gum shields on the side in the toilet for my poor flatmate to discover.

Needless to say, that was £12 down the drain.  I should've just bought a vibrating toothbrush! 

Sorry, no updates so far this week.  So far, the highlights of my day every day this week have been in bed.  With a wicked man between my thighs like Bridget Jones? Sadly not, with a fluffy pink hot water bottle against my chest.  The lowlights of my day every day have been work.  And that has been my whole life: work, sleep, work, sleep.  It's been a wleepy week and it looks as if this may continue.  The slight upturn in the weather is nice, even if I've had to watch it from my desk.  Will give proper update at the weekend.  UpDATE - hopefully meeting him on Saturday for

Highlight of the day - Off Their Rockers on ITV! It was a hidden camera show, which isn't usually my sort of thing (except for Three Non-Blondes, which I adored), but all the pranksters on this one were old people.  Something about that just made it really funny.  It was, like, totally, lol, and for real - as in I l-ed out loud.  Also, it renewed my faith in humanity as all the people reacted so nicely.  It was great.

Lowlight of the day - My Little Princess.  A horrendously shallow, stupid and non-sensical farse of a TV show on E4 that renewed my lack of faith in humanity.

My day was fairly boring today.  I had to GO TO WORK which was pretty rubbish.  It was pretty chilled though and I hadn't really made any plans anyway.  I'm still on a probation period there too, so it's a good chance to prove my dedication.

One thing I did today (which was my lowlight until I saw My Little Princess) was watch the video for Bonnie Tyler's Eurovision entry for us this year.  You can see her above, going for the beached whale look in the video.  The song has about as much tune as the cast of Off Their Rockers have teeth and the cast of My Little Princess have wit, charm and intelligence.  It's so forgettable, which is the worst thing a Eurovision entry can be, as it people have to remember it and vote for it after seeing nearly 30 songs! Anyway, I will rant about Eurovision closer to the time anyway.  It led me a nice trip down memory lane, listening to the Serbian lesbians from 2007 and the cute elven Norwegian violinist from 2009.  My flatmate introduced me to the Netherlands 'Ding Dong' from 1976 which I have listened to once but could easily sing to you.  I have now listed to Bonnie's 'Believe in Me' (I had to google it to get the title) FOUR times and couldn't sing one line.  It's never a good sign when the title of the song itself seems to be begging you to like it before it's even started playing.  Me and my housemate have also spent quite a bit of time laughing at literal Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLPWVwNKMAc   Also a TRUE LOL.

Highlight of the day - Cafe Gourmand - a lovely little cafe and bistrot on Lexington Street in Soho.  It feels very French inside (I used to live in Paris, so I know innit) and it's a lovely, peaceful space in which to escape from the hustle and bustle of Soho.  The staff were really friendly (possibly the only bit that didn't remind me of Paris) and the prices were very reasonable.  I only had a coffee, but was very tempted by all the cakes.  I will definitely be going back for some mini gourmands (little cakes, just a mouthful) or their posh meat pies - I don't think I've ever seen a pie look so delicate!  I'm also quite tempted by their green cookie tea. I was kicking myself for having eaten elsewhere beforehand!

Embarrassing moment of the day - I call it the 'tube lean.'  You know, when you think you're perfectly steady and don't need to hold on and then it jolts off and you rather embarrassingly lean on the person next to you.  That's really embarrassing, right? However, you normally steady yourself and are off of them within a milisecond, mumble sorry, and go back to avoiding eye contact.  I went for a bit of a spectacular one yesterday - it was a 2-second full-frontal lean.  Quite a masterpiece.  Why I was facing this guy, I don't know.  How the tube was going at such a thrust that it lasted 2 seconds, I also don't know.  He was also a really attractive guy, which just made the whole ordeal (allbeit 2 seconds, but let's face it, 2 seconds of British awkwardness feels like a lifetime!).  I felt like the whole carriage were staring at me for the rest of my journey.  They obviously weren't.  Or were they??

So, why was yesterday so spontaneous? I had planned on doing nothing this weekend, but have been talking to friends recently about how my life revolves around lists.  I want more spontaneity damnit!  Then, I saw tickets on lastminute.com a few days ago for My Big Italian Gay Wedding at the Greenwich Theatre.  It's come from New York and the tickets were a good price, so me and a friend went on the spur of the moment.  It was really fun - loud, proud, camp and, in places, hilarious.  It was about an Italian New Yorker getting married to his boyfriend and all the hoo-ha that surrounded it.  It had a lot of visual humour, funny characters and farsical storyline.  There was a great atmosphere, with people from the crowd joining in on jokes and interacting with the actors.  Some singing, some dancing and a whole lot of camping.  A few of the jokes were very America-centric and went a bit over my head - I was hoping they might have localised it a little bit at least, just by picking things that were still American, but more relevant/famous here.  I'd be really interested to know if laughs came at different places in the UK and the US actually.  Me and my friend then went to the gay pub in Greenwich called the Prince.  I then ran down the road like a big poofta about to miss the last DLR.  I caught it.

Earlier in the day, I spontaneously met my friend to go the Southbank Food Market and had a lovely Beijing-style pork pancake from Mei Mei street food.  It did remind me of what I'd eaten when I actually went to Beijing, except that she'd added meat, which made it even better in my book.  I may have also sampled about 15 other stalls' foods! It was such a lovely day to mooch around London.  We then went over to Trafalgar Square and watched the outdoor pillow fight (see photo above).  We didn't join - we're not that spontaneous yet, one step at a time.  Then we went to Cafe Gourmand, then I splurged £50 in the River Island sale (all in the name of spontaneity of course).  Spontaneous is fun, but it's also expensive, and it also left me running (literally at time) late for everything I did.  Still, a great day all round! Maybe the start of spring? Dare I hope?